Living with Loose Ends

The summer began with construction at the front of my house as the roads and pavement were being torn up. There were also renovations being done at the back of my house and studio. I too had high hopes of some cleaning projects inside the house with my time off from teaching yoga classes. The plan was for it all to be completed by now and I would be all ready to begin the fall classes. But there seems to be a lot of loose ends! Usually I am not good with this. I am the type of person that doesn’t start something new until the first thing is completed. It has been a pattern I’ve created from childhood. I wouldn’t start my homework until my room was spotless. I wouldn’t start an art project until my chores were done. The good thing is that my space was clean, but I didn’t always get to the creative projects. Being a mother has taught me to let a lot of that go and I even find myself now living with messy floors (wearing slippers so I can’t feel the crumbs does help with this…lol). This is our egos way of needing to feel a sense of control in our lives. This is what makes us feel safe… or at least our ego feel safe. But as I notice myself reacting to not feeling in control it is an opportunity to sit with the underlying feeling/anxiety. Yoga has taught me to sit with these underlying feelings and not react. Well at least not react while I am on the meditation cushion. So here I am with all these loose ends and life goes on. There is that conditioned part inside of me that may not like it, but now instead of putting life on hold until the loose ends are tied, I am able to allow life to continue to flourish and flow. I recently was at a silent retreat for 5 days practicing the art of doing nothing. I must say, when I have so many unfinished projects it was challenging to still go to the retreat and even more challenging to meditate for 12 hours a day and do nothing. The paradox is that ‘doing nothing’ seems to be almost the hardest thing I have ever done. The strong determination to sit still for 1 hour periods can be excruciating at times, but it continues to teach me that all of life is impermanent. Everything is always changing. Each moment is changing. This is one thing to read about it from books and another to fully experience and know in your body. This is what meditation teaches you. From this place of deep knowing that everything is always changing, allows you to let go of grasping things or needing things to be a certain way; complete/incomplete, messy/tidy, like/dislike. Then you can allow life to be just as it is in this moment. There is nothing to change about this moment. This is true freedom. This is clear seeing. This is eradication of suffering. Whenever we think we need things to be different than they are it causes suffering. So I practice being with all my loose ends right now and know at the end of my life it really won’t matter how many loose ends I have had. It matters how I choose to respond to myself and others regardless of the circumstances. It matters that I have loved well and shared my heart with others. Namaste

Comments

  1. It definitely stretches the limits with the mind when you go through very good info and make an effort to interpret it properly. Yoga Sutras || sql tutorial

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